Learning About Orgasms

Can a vibrator give me my first orgasm?

Probably. Many women experience their first orgasm with the help of a vibrator. (Men are usually able to achieve their first climax through manual stimulation.)

If you’ve never experienced an orgasm, try manual stimulation first. If that doesn’t work, a vibrator may help you make the breakthrough. Try getting a model with a moderately strong level of vibration, and give yourself enough time to play around with it and experiment. Get used to it, use it on different part of your genitals, and give yourself time to reach a level of sexual excitation.

Make sure that you’re relaxed and in the mood when you use your vibrator. Fantasize, read some sexy stories, or look at porn if that gets you turned on. Not everyone needs a vibrator to get off, but it can make the experience even more enjoyable. After you have your first orgasmic experience with a vibrator, you’ll probably find that you want to continue using it at least some of the time. Or maybe a lot of the time.

Can I use a vibrator help me orgasm during intercourse?

A vibrator can help you get more in touch with your body and sexual feelings, and may be included in foreplay or used during sex with a partner to help achieve orgasm.

Most women – 70 percent, according Shere Hite’s surveys – don’t achieve orgasm through intercourse alone. So if you’re not coming during intercourse, it just means that a) you’re normal, and b) your clit needs more play.

Using a vibrator for masturbation can help you become more comfortable with your sexuality and get you more in tune with the responses of your body and what feels good to you. However, it may also spoil you a bit, because it makes climaxing easier than it is with a partner.

You can incorporate the vibrator into your sex play before or even during intercourse. Have your partner use it on you, or show your partner how you use it on yourself. Get yourself good and wet, or go all the way to the edge, and then start going at it. Bring out the vibrator again for a quick buzz if you need to get back up to speed. It’s not cheating to use a vibe to help you get off during sex with your partner. Think of it as an augmentation to intercourse.

Vibrating cock rings are the easiest way to help out sex. They are completely hands-free, and come a huge array of shapes, sizes, and materials, so it’s easy to find something that suits your needs and pleasures.

Reference Sources: The Hite Report on Female Sexuality by Shere Hite (1976)

I’m still a virgin. Will a vibrator help me get ready for my first time?

Masturbating with a vibrator can help you get more comfortable with your sexuality and become more familiar with the sexual responses of your body and the sensations of genital stimulation and/or penetration. However, having an intimate physical encounter with another person will be a different type of experience.

Getting yourself off with a vibrator is a relatively simple and straightforward business. Getting it on with a flesh-and-blood person is a whole different story. The key to enjoying real intercourse is communication: communicating your desires and needs to your partner, and understanding theirs. Communication is something you can’t learn from a vibrator. But you can learn about what feels good to you, and being comfortable with your own body and your sexual feelings is essential preparation for being intimate with a partner. Do you like direct clitoral stimulation, or deep penetration? These are good things to know before you get into bed with someone.

A vibrator’s controls are very simple – on and off, fast or slow – and you remain in complete control of the experience while stimulating yourself. A certain element of sex involves giving up that control and sharing it with your partner. This is also what makes sexual intimacy exciting and meaningful. A great way to build trust and intimacy (not to mention arousal) with your partner is to tell and show them what you enjoy sexually. That can mean introducing them to your vibrator and incorporating it into your sex play.

If I use a vibrator, will I still be a virgin?

That depends on how you define virginity. If you insert a vibrator into your vagina, you may break your hymen (the membrane at the entrance of the vagina). But many women break their hymens by using tampons, riding a bike, or through other completely non-sexual activities. Most people define a virgin as someone who has not had sexual intercourse with a person. Insertion of a dildo, vibrator, or other object isn’t generally called sex, it’s called masturbation. If someone who has masturbated isn’t considered a virgin, there’s not a man in the world who comes to the marriage bed a virgin. If your definition of virginity hinges on cultural customs or religious beliefs, you will have to refer to a higher authority for the answer.

If you are trying to preserve your virginity because you are waiting until marriage or for some other reason, and using a vibrator doesn’t violate the definition of virginity as defined in your belief system, then using a vibrator for masturbating can be a great way to gratify your natural sexual needs in a safe and healthy manner. Self-pleasure is the safest sex there is!

What is the fastest way to reach orgasm?

Different women respond to different types of sexual stimulation, so what gets one person off quickly may do nothing for another. However, most women respond well to direct and sustained clitoral stimulation. Using a vibrator is one of the easiest ways to achieve this, but because some people prefer light stimulation and others prefer more intense stimulation, the same model of vibrator will not work well for all people. You have to find the type of vibrator that gives you the stimulation you best respond to.

To figure this out, think about the kind of stimulation that really gets you off. Is it light and fluttering, or deep and penetrating? Localized on a small area of the clit, or do you prefer stimulation over a larger area? Women who enjoy light, localized stimulation might enjoy a pocket rocket vibrator with an attachment, bullet vibrator, or a strap-on clitoral stimulator, while those who like stimulation over a broader area might prefer a Hitachi Magic Wand.

And speaking of penetration, vaginal penetration isn’t necessary for a woman to get off. Penetration can make orgasms more pleasurable for many women, but most women respond more quickly to simple direct clitoral stimulation. Likewise, massaging the G-spot inside the vagina manually or with toys may increase the intensity of a woman’s orgasm, but usually doesn’t bring it about directly. However, if a woman enjoys simultaneous clitoral and vaginal penetration, she would probably enjoy a rabbit-style vibrator, or a G-spot stimulator with external nubs for the clit.

Once you find the right vibe, you need to find the right spot to get you off. This may be directly on top of the clit, or off to one side. Move the vibrator around until you get in “the zone” and then stay on top of the sweet spot. This should have you over the top in no time.

I still can’t come/orgasm with a vibrator. What am I doing wrong?

You may have a vibrator that just isn’t right for you, or you may not have found the ideal spot for stimulating yourself. If you have put a lot of time and effort into attempting to climax, and feel that you keep getting “close” but can’t seem to actually orgasm, there may be psychological or physical factors that are inhibiting your response.

When first trying out a vibrator, many people simply go straight for the clit, or if it’s an insertable vibrator, straight for the vagina. Everybody’s different. Experiment with using the vibrator on different parts of your clit, vulva, and vagina, and discover what feels best. You may find you like a few different things. Try adding some lubricant to improve your sensation.

You might have a vibrator that doesn’t provide the right kind of stimulation for you. Maybe you need one that gives less intense or more intense stimulation. If you think the vibrator you have might be too intense, try using it through your clothing, or through a towel or blanket. If your vibrator feels like it barely buzzes, try getting a more powerful electrical one, such as a Hitachi Magic Wand.

Consider when and how you’re using the vibrator. Are you relaxed and in the right frame of mind for a sensual experience? Remember, for women in particular, arousal has way more to do with where you are mentally than what’s happening to your body. Make a special time to use your vibrator, when you know you won’t be disturbed, and give yourself the luxury of exploring and letting go. Get yourself in the mood: read some tasteful erotica, watch a dirty video, or just fantasize…whatever you prefer, there are lots of options out there. It’s often said that the biggest sex organ is between your ears. You can’t just flip the switch and expect the vibrator to do all the work.

If, after all this, you still find yourself unable to climax, talk to your doctor. Stress and depression, as well as other physical conditions, may be making it hard to orgasm. If you are taking medications, especially antidepressants, these may also affect your ability to reach orgasm.

My vibrator isn’t giving me an orgasm any more. What’s wrong?

There could be a couple of reasons for this. The vibrator or the batteries in it may be wearing out, so it is less effective. Alternately, you may be getting “desensitized” to the sensation of that particular vibrator. Some people find they need to switch to a different vibrator at a certain point. Also, other psychological or physiological factors may be affecting your sexual responsiveness.

If you’re not responding to your vibrator anymore, first make sure that the vibrator is working correctly. Are the vibrations still as strong? If not, the motor may be wearing out, or the batteries may be wearing out. Test it out with some fresh batteries and see if that doesn’t put the buzz back in it. It may be time for a replacement.

If there’s nothing wrong with the vibrator, your sexual responsiveness may have changed. Some people report “vibrator burnout,” feeling like they become “immune” to their vibrators. Your body may simply become used to the sensations that your vibrator supplies, and they are no longer as stimulating, or you may just be bored with your vibrator. Try shopping for a new model, and find something that really excites you or provides a totally different form of stimulation. If you’ve been using a Hitachi Magic Wand, try getting a vibrating dildo or vice versa. Try experimenting.

Some vibrator users also report a temporary decrease in sensitivity in their genitals after prolonged vibrator use. You may need to take a vacation from your vibrator and go back to manual stimulation for a while. After taking a break and coming back to it, your vibrator may seem fresh again.

Finally, there may be physical or psychological factors that are affecting your sexual response. Some medications, especially antidepressants, have sexual side effects that make it difficult to reach orgasm. Stress, depression, fatigue, and overworking can also make it hard to get turned on or to climax. If this is a persistent problem, talk to your doctor.