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I still can't come/orgasm with a vibrator. What am I doing wrong?

You may have a vibrator that just isn't right for you, or you may not have found the ideal spot for stimulating yourself. If you have put a lot of time and effort into attempting to climax, and feel that you keep getting "close" but can't seem to actually orgasm, there may be psychological or physical factors that are inhibiting your response.

When first trying out a vibrator, many people simply go straight for the clit, or if it's an insertable vibrator, straight for the vagina. Everybody's different. Experiment with using the vibrator on different parts of your clit, vulva, and vagina, and discover what feels best. You may find you like a few different things. Try adding some lubricant to improve your sensation.

You might have a vibrator that doesn't provide the right kind of stimulation for you. Maybe you need one that gives less intense or more intense stimulation. If you think the vibrator you have might be too intense, try using it through your clothing, or through a towel or blanket. If your vibrator feels like it barely buzzes, try getting a more powerful electrical one, such as a Hitachi Magic Wand.

Consider when and how you're using the vibrator. Are you relaxed and in the right frame of mind for a sensual experience? Remember, for women in particular, arousal has way more to do with where you are mentally than what's happening to your body. Make a special time to use your vibrator, when you know you won't be disturbed, and give yourself the luxury of exploring and letting go. Get yourself in the mood: read some tasteful erotica, watch a dirty video, or just fantasize...whatever you prefer, there are lots of options out there. It's often said that the biggest sex organ is between your ears. You can't just flip the switch and expect the vibrator to do all the work.

If, after all this, you still find yourself unable to climax, talk to your doctor. Stress and depression, as well as other physical conditions, may be making it hard to orgasm. If you are taking medications, especially antidepressants, these may also affect your ability to reach orgasm.

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